Dearest of Zekes- 15 1/2 Months

Well, it's been a while my Lovinest.

You have grown so much. There really isn't very much Baby left. You are a little boy. It makes me sad ang glad at the same time.

We moved and you have your very own room. It is wonderful. We no longer trip on your toys constantly. They are organized in bins on your bookshelves and under your crib. You love being able to find whatever you want to play with all by yourself. You also have a shelf in the kitchen which has a snack and a cup of water on it that you can reach and I love when we come inside from playing and you walk straight into the kitchen for a drink without having to whine for one. It seems so old for some reason.

You are finally trying to talk and sign. You say Dada and Bug and Ball! You also call dogs "Ba." That was your first word if we can count it. You occasionally say Mama but can't really use it consistently yet. You use the sign for more whenever you want something repeated or if you want something to eat or just if you want more. When you want to nurse, you follow me all around the apartment, dragging the boppy behind you. It is so adorable. You also do a lot of animal noises: bear, elephant, bunny, monkey, lion, squirrel.

You no longer waddle. You tramp around as if you own the world, confident and sure-footed. We sometimes cringe when you race around corners and it looks like your going to walk right into a wall, but you somehow make it. You can climb up the stairs and go down the slide at our little tot-lot all by your self and are so proud when you do it. The playground is right outside our apartment and you would live out there if Mama let you.

You still love to read. Your favorite books now are Dear Zoo and My Big Animal Book and anything with flaps. You are also now obsessed with bugs (especially lady bugs), trains, the "Lonely Goatherd" song on The Sound of Music, and clocks. Yes, clocks. I don't know why, but you get SO EXCITED when you spot one.

You of course still love balls and learned to kick a soccer ball, to your Aunties' delight and you are developing a pretty good throwing arm. I find myself ducking when we play catch.

You have become SO much more sociable in the last month or so and we can leave you with both Grandma and Lola with no crying at all. If we are with you, you will also go up to other people and play with them. You wave and smile at strangers instead of frowning. It's so much more fun for everyone.

Your sense of humor and fun is developing beautifully and we love to hear your laugh! Your favorite game is hide and seek with Daddy. He hides and then jumps out and chases you and you run shrieking with laughter into my arms for "protection." You get into EVERYTHING and I'm constantly finding new piles of random stuff that you have scattered about the floor.

Keep growing and learning and we'll try to keep up!

Xoxo,
Mama

Wisdom from The Office

Oscar: You're the one who said we needed more culture.

Gil: This is culture to you?

Oscar: It's her first try.

Gil: Yeah, on Van Gogh's first try, he drew the hands of the peasants.

Oscar: Meaning what?

Gil: Meaning, real art takes courage, okay? And honesty.

Oscar: Well, those aren't Pam's strong points.

Gil: Yeah, exactly. That's why this is... motel art.

Dearest of Zeke's- 13 ish Months

My Great Big Boy-

You went on a plane ride! You had a birthday! And a haircut! You are walking! You have two molars! It has been a big couple of months.

Your birthday parties were so much fun. You got all kinds of gifts and probably had more sugar than you have had in the last 12 months combined. But most of all you were surrounded by people who love you. You are a lucky little guy.

You are walking, walking, walking! I call you my pet penguin because all you do all day is waddle and toddle around. You can be seen pacing back and forth and back and forth. Usually holding a toy, your blanket or a gadget but seldom playing with them. For now, the joy of the upright is yours and it is more than enough entertainment.

I cannot even tell you how adorable your walking is. It is the most endearing little wobble I have ever seen.

You have discovered playgrounds this month and we go to one almost everyday. You mostly love climbing up the stairs and going down the slides. And of course, watching the big kids.

You are growing so clever and communicative. You still point to everything, including pictures in books, to tell me what you want. Your favorite thing is to get down your lift the flap book with food and point to the graham cracker or the grapes. I'm thinking of making you some flash cards to help with your communication, because you have zero interest in talking and very little interest in signing. But POINTING. That hits the spot apparently.

You are still a champion sleeper and putting you to sleep is short and sweet. Either Daddy or I will hold you for a little while standing next to your crib and you will rest your head on our shoulder. And then you decide it's time to sleep and point to your crib. We lay you down and you grab your blanket, shove the corner in your mouth and we don't here from you again until about twelve hours later. We are SPOILED rotten with you.


 You are getting to be a little clown and love to join in on a laugh with Daddy and I even when you clearly have no idea what the joke is all about. You love to play hide and seek and peek-a-boo behind our bed. You crack up when we chase you and we have such riotous times that our downstairs neighbor even come up to check and see if we were okay!



Life is pretty nuts these days because we are moving next week. Yay for your own room! You seem rather confused by the boxes and the way that our things keep disappearing but you are rolling with the punches like a champ.

 Chooba-Choob I cannot describe how sweet it is to hold you when you're all worn out from all that learning and walking and smell your little head against my face. It just keeps getting sweeter.


Oh so in love with you,
Mama

Tired

 

You are tired
(I think)

Of the always puzzle of living and doing;

And so am I.

Come with me, then,

And we'll leave it far and far away—

(Only you and I, understand!)

You have played,

(I think)

And broke the toys you were fondest of,

And are a little tired now;

Tired of things that break, and—

Just tired. So am I.

But I come with a dream in my eyes tonight,

And knock with a rose at the hopeless gate of your heart—

Open to me!

For I will show you the places Nobody knows,

And, if you like,

The perfect places of Sleep.

Ah, come with me!

I'll blow you that wonderful bubble, the moon,

That floats forever and a day;

I'll sing you the jacinth song

Of the probable stars;

I will attempt the unstartled steppes of dream,

Until I find the Only Flower,

Which shall keep (I think) your little heart

While the moon comes out of the sea.

EE CUMMINGS

Dearest of Zekes - First hours (birth story III)

My dear Ezekiel, my Chubbermunch, My Booger, My Cheeks, My sweet-baby-sweet,

 I have been putting off this letter because it makes me face the facts. You are one. The first year of your dear sweet life is gone never to return. Too morbid? Sorry. Daddy's always getting on me for that.

Against Daddy's chest in your first moments of life

I've never written about the first days of your life, partly because it's a very emotional subject. But I guess its time now that it's been a year!

The first few hours of your life were sweet and frightening and overwhelming. ( You can read the firsts parts of the birth story here, here, and here.) I couldn't believe how beautiful you were and how perfect. I had to give you to your Daddy because there was something wrong with my body and I was in too much pain to hold you. The placenta that held you and fed you wouldn't be released and  the pain I experienced after you were born dwarfed the pain it took to birth you. Thankfully I had wonderful doctors and the pain was soon over and you were in my arms again. But the sweet moments were quickly ended. Your perfect little chest rose and fell far too quickly. They were afraid of infection and after a sweet tearful hour, they took you away from me. My heart felt torn in two as I watched you leave my arms and they carted you off to the NICU.

I had to be cleaned up and fed and wheeled away to a new room, but the moment I was free I found you.


Seeing your precious faced tubed and taped was the saddest moment of my life. Holding you quickened your breath and heart rate. I could only pat and caress your little head and put my hand on that fast moving chest. You had to be fed through an IV because when I put you to my breast your oxygen levels plummeted. I watched you move your little mouth, knowing you were going hungry that first night. Your name means "God is my Strength" and we all needed it. All I wanted to do was hold you and feed you, but I had to leave you to strangers as I went back to my room sick at heart.

You were already smiling at Daddy.

Your Daddy adored you. He was so sweet and caring and I could have never lived through those few days without his strength. I hope that if you are blessed with a wife someday, you will be to her what your Daddy is too me. He got up in the middle of the night countless times and wheeled me down to the NICU. I think he actually did it in his sleep once or twice. He was so scared for both of us in the beginning when a specialist was with you and another one was being called in for me. But despite the fear and exhaustion, he hung in there until it all settled. Then he lost it a little (he loves us so much Zeke, you'll never know how much until you have a child of your own.)

No tubes! You were such a breath-taking newborn.

BUT all of the drama ended quickly, when you coughed up the fluid that was in your lungs. We said a pray more full of thanksgiving than ever before when your oxygen levels rose and your breathing rate fell and we were told you were going to be just fine. Your breathing improved quickly and your nurse the next morning was a lactation consulted who worked hard to get us nursing! I finally got to feed my baby and it was WORK. I had to be at the NICU every three hours for the next two days and it was EXHAUSTING.

It was so worth all the exhaustion as you gained weight, got the tubes removed and got discharged just a few hours after I did! We were so relieved when they could stop pricking your little foot to check your blood sugar. (The nurse who cleaned and re-wrapped your foot is one of my favorite people in the world. It was such a sweet gesture, like she knew how the dried blood was breaking my Mama-heart.) We weren't told up until the last minute whether you could come home with us. You can only imagine our joy as we packed you up! 

You came home with us and changed our life forever!

You have brought us an unbelievable amount of happiness this past year Zeke. I have always known I wanted to be a Mommy but I never knew that all along I wanted to be YOUR Mommy. I now understand the phrase "my pride and joy." That is what you are my Zeke. My heart swells with both whenever I look at you. You are my firstborn, the sweetest and best gift imaginable, and I can never bless the Lord enough for granting the desire of my heart.



Love, Love, Love, Love,
Mama