New Poem

Escape from Reality, a photo by Gilderic Photography on Flickr.

"Marah in the Utter East"

Every year, until the years stop coming
That tree makes bitter waves sweet.    1,4

Finally tired of the shallows, as if wakened from a sleep
Deeper in I plunge to join the frolic in the deep.   2

"Come. Farther up and deeper in!" He bids me through the storm. 3,4
Perfect love drives out the fear and I skim the waves unaware.

And he has gone before me, He knows the way I take.
He left his echoes in the water, come follow in His wake.

1 "And he cried unto the Lord, and the Lord showed him a tree, which when he had cast into the waters, the waters were made sweet." Exodus 15:25
2 "There is the sea, vast and spacious,teeming with creatures beyond number—living things both large and small. There the ships go to and fro, and the leviathan, which you formed to frolic there." Psalm 104: 25
3“Lord, if it’s you,” Peter replied, “tell me to come to you on the water.” “Come,” he said. Matthew 14
4 CS Lewis references: "Utter East" (Voyage of the Dawn treader) "farther up.." (The Last Battle)

birthday gift

"If you think you're a loser
When you fail it seems at everything you do
Just remember there's a Savior
And you are worth enough
He gave His life for you
I'm accepted, accepted
I'm accepted by the One who matters most"
Degarmo and Key

i feel like hugging the sun, a photo by PNike on Flickr.

"Therefore, accept one another, just as Christ also accepted us to the glory of God."
Romans 15:7

sunrise

Shadows
Originally uploaded by Bob b...

the shadows
run together
til they're not
shadows
anymore





"But for you who fear my name, the Sun of Righteousness
will rise with healing in his wings. And you will go free,
leaping with joy like calves let out to pasture."
Malachi 4:2

Of a world embracing every heartache...

Pier Landscape
Originally uploaded by ►CubaGallery

"For I hate divorce," says the LORD, the God of Israel, "and him who covers his garment with wrong," says the LORD of hosts. "So take heed to your spirit, that you do not deal treacherously." Malachi 2:16

Just found out another of our friends have ended their marriage. So sad.



"...To turn away and not become
Another nail to pierce the skin of One who loves
More deeply than the oceans,
More abundant than the tears
Of a world embracing every heartache.
World apart..."
- Jars of Clay

Thankful

Originally uploaded by Velachery Balu

"...the grace that is reaching more and more people may cause thanksgiving to overflow to the glory of God. Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal. For we know that if the earthly tent we live in is destroyed, we have a building from God, an eternal house in heaven, not built by human hands. Meanwhile we groan, longing to be clothed instead with our heavenly dwelling, because when we are clothed, we will not be found naked. For while we are in this tent, we groan and are burdened, because we do not wish to be unclothed but to be clothed instead with our heavenly dwelling, so that what is mortal may be swallowed up by life. Now the one who has fashioned us for this very purpose is God, who has given us the Spirit as a deposit, guaranteeing what is to come."

2 Corinthians 4:16-5:5



I'm thankful that any year, every year, even if I have nothing, I have everything.

For want of a lightbulb

Most of the time my belief in the sovereignty of God is wonderfully comforting and enthralling. The fact that there is a Plan and a Pattern. That "everything works out for the good of those who love God who are called according to His purpose." Everything. That is an amazing thought.

But occasionally I catch myself giving it a superstitious twist.

For instance, 5 minutes ago my light bulb burnt out and my first thought was, "I wonder what that means. Why did it burn out tonight of all nights?"

I've always loved the old saying: "For want of a nail the shoe was lost, for want of the shoe the horse was lost, for want of the horse the rider was lost, for want of the rider the message was lost, for want of the message the battle was lost, for want of the battle the war was lost. All for the want of a nail."

I really do believe that little things matter. For instance, whenever I'm late for some unforeseen reason, I almost always think to myself, "Maybe if I was on time I would've gotten into a crash... or something."

Most of the time. I love it. It means that not only do little silly, senseless things make a difference, but that little silly, senseless people do too. It means that evil will never, ever win.

But when I say/ think things like... "its a sign" "what does this mean?" "I have a bad feeling about this..." Hmm...

The sovereignty of God, its good sound doctrine. But sometimes... like when I'm home alone and a light bulb burns out. I'm down-right pagan.

sidewalk crack

sidewalk crack
Originally uploaded by no. higher

"Who would've thought it but life is finding a way
Through this wasteland of cynics, concrete, and pain
There's a man down here not worried or afraid
That some politician forgot all the promises he made
And he's raising the dreams in the graveyards
Where we've laid down our dead
His name is Hope"

John Mark McMillan

He is Risen

One of my favorites:

Beneath the cross of Jesus I fain would take my stand,
The shadow of a mighty rock within a weary land;
A home within the wilderness, a rest upon the way,
From the burning of the noontide heat, and the burden of the day.

O safe and happy shelter, O refuge tried and sweet,
O trysting place where Heaven’s love and Heaven’s justice meet!
As to the holy patriarch that wondrous dream was given,
So seems my Savior’s cross to me, a ladder up to heaven.

There lies beneath its shadow but on the further side
The darkness of an awful grave that gapes both deep and wide
And there between us stands the cross two arms outstretched to save
A watchman set to guard the way from that eternal grave.

Upon that cross of Jesus mine eye at times can see
The very dying form of One Who suffered there for me;
And from my stricken heart with tears two wonders I confess;
The wonders of redeeming love and my unworthiness.

I take, O cross, thy shadow for my abiding place;
I ask no other sunshine than the sunshine of His face;
Content to let the world go by to know no gain or loss,
My sinful self my only shame, my glory all the cross.

I used to think as a child that we really should celebrate Good Friday more than Easter, because isn't Jesus dying for us the whole Christian deal?

1 Corinthians 15 tells us why Easter is of the utmost importance to Christians:

"And if Christ has not been raised, our preaching is useless and so is your faith. More than that, we are then found to be false witnesses about God, for we have testified about God that he raised Christ from the dead. But he did not raise him if in fact the dead are not raised. For if the dead are not raised, then Christ has not been raised either. And if Christ has not been raised, your faith is futile; you are still in your sins. Then those also who have fallen asleep in Christ are lost. If only for this life we have hope in Christ, we are to be pitied more than all men.

But Christ has indeed been raised from the dead, the firstfruits of those who have fallen asleep. For since death came through a man, the resurrection of the dead comes also through a man. For as in Adam all die, so in Christ all will be made alive. But each in his own turn: Christ, the firstfruits; then, when he comes, those who belong to him. Then the end will come, when he hands over the kingdom to God the Father after he has destroyed all dominion, authority and power. For he must reign until he has put all his enemies under his feet. The last enemy to be destroyed is death. For he “has put everything under his feet.” Now when it says that “everything” has been put under him, it is clear that this does not include God himself, who put everything under Christ. When he has done this, then the Son himself will be made subject to him who put everything under him, so that God may be all in all"!!!

Hallelujah! What a Savior!

Tightwads and Martyrs Part II

After my mom's brilliant comment comparing thrifty housewives to Scottish rebels, I got to thinking more about the comparison... and decided it needed another post.

I saw a quote on one of the frugal blogs I follow that went something like this:

"Never sacrifice what you want most to what you want now."

Regarding tightwad-ery this is pretty simple: if you want to pay off your mortgage early you can't go out to eat every time you don't feel like cooking. As the frugal zealot says, spend your money on investment purchases (things that earn you money or that you can resell at full value) rather than on throw-away purchases.

But it also reminded me of another quote:

"He is no fool who gives what he cannot keep to gain what he cannot lose."
-Jim Elliot

The principle in the Christian walk is similar to the tightwad one. Forgo pleasures here and now in order to gain them 100 fold over again in heaven.

Wisdom is the same the world over. Whatever subject I study I see her there. Calling as she's always been calling...

²⁰ Wisdom calls aloud in the street,
she raises her voice in the public squares;

²¹ at the head of the noisy streets she cries out,
in the gateways of the city she makes her speech:

²² "How long will you simple ones love your simple ways?
How long will mockers delight in mockery
and fools hate knowledge?

²³ If you had responded to my rebuke,
I would have poured out my heart to you
and made my thoughts known to you.

³² For the waywardness of the simple will kill them,
and the complacency of fools will destroy them;

³³ but whoever listens to me will live in safety
and be at ease, without fear of harm."

Proverbs 1: 20-23,32-33

Tightwads and Martyrs

To have what we want is riches;
but to be able to do without is power.
- George MacDonald

One of the reasons we tightwads love being tightwads is because of the sense of calm it gives us, in the midst of difficult circumstances and uncertain future. Even without the large savings account and low/nil amount of debt that often accompanies tightwad-ery, there is a sense of power in knowing that you can live on very little and be happy.

As Christians we have this power on a deeper level. "And fear not them which kill the body, but are not able to kill the soul: but rather fear him which is able to destroy both soul and body in hell." (Matt. 10:28) This is why Martyrs have been able withstand hunger and cold and torture and death... "We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed." (2 Corinth 4:8-9) They can look at their tormentors and say, "What's the worst that could happen? What I treasure, you can't touch."... "I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. ¹²I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. ¹³I can do everything through him who gives me strength." (Phil 4:10-13)

And to quote Paul once more. "Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already been made perfect, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me." Phil 3:12 The reason why I think so much about fearless contentment is because I'm a worry-er and I don't wanna be.

extra hours

When I was in third grade, I read the book The BFG, in which a Big Friendly Giant tells a little girl that she is only half her age because she has slept half of the time she's been alive. I thought, even then, "Not me!" I'm a lot closer to my real age than most people, going by the BFG's standard.

Ever since I can remember, I've had insomnia. Some of my earliest memories are of lying awake, hours after the rest of my family was asleep.

Looking back on my life... well, the short 22 years of it that I've lived so far... I think I may agree with the BFG. I think that the time I spent awake when I aught to have been asleep my well have changed me almost as much as living a few extra years would have. Not that it's necessarily matured me. But I don't think that years necessarily do that either. Its just changed me.

First of all, it taught me to function, work, and learn while operating at much less than peak capacity. I can get up and go do what I have to do even when I'm totally exhausted or sick or.. whatever. And that helps life. A lot.

For another thing, I don't think I would love books have as much as I do if it weren't for those years of nights when books were my only way to while away the hours. I probably would still love reading, but my love for the physical books around me would definitely not be the same. My most worn out copies of old favorites hold a place in my heart akin to an old stuffed animal or blankie or even a childhood friend. When I pick up my copy of Anne of Green Gables and smell its pages and feel its rough, cracked binding... memories flood over me. Many of books have wrinkled pages, wet with tears of frustration as my exhaustion refused to put me to sleep.

But I didn't always read. For one thing, my mom would knock on my wall and tell me to turn my light out. For another, my eyes gave out. Most of the time, I would just think. Sometimes I would imagine the most delightful things, so wonderful I wouldn't even want to sleep. Other times I would scare myself so badly that I would have to get up and go down to the kitchen and be comforted by the commonplace sound of the dishwasher and the sight of the fluorescent light over the sink. I would not have been half as caught up in my own world if I hadn't been forced to go there night after night.

There were times though, when my eyes gave out long hours before and my mind wandered aimlessly, fitfully, unable to focus on anything at all. I don't know if I can describe the severe discomfort to anyone who has not gone without sleep for long periods of time. I think I have had a small taste of what sleep deprivation torture must be like. To feel that your mind is out of your control is a terrible feeling.

What has done for me is hard to say. I suppose one thing that has arisen from these nights is a desire to have a disciplined mind. It is pleasant to let the mind wander, it is terrible to be unable to recall it at will.

The best thing that has come from this quirk of mine is this: I learned to talk with God. When you're all alone and everyone you know is asleep, and you have a million thoughts with no one to tell them to... you find Someone to tell them. I learned to have a long close, confidential conversation with Someone I can't see. I look back on the long lonely nights, and they don't seem so lonely anymore. I remember Him being there. And that is... oh so sweet.

Now that I'm married and much more emotionally healthy than I used to be, I only have an occasional night of sleeplessness... like last night for instance when I probably only got 3 hours total. Blah....

I'm still oh so tired, but I feel better. Thanks for remembering with me.