Monday, December 19, 2011

Dearest of Zekes- Four Month

Dear Chunk,

I'm having so much fun being with you that I haven't been interested in writing about being with you. I can't believe I didn't post at all in November. I was very, very thankful for you. :-)

You are four months old. How did that happen? You are learning to sit and are dying to eat what we're eating. You smile constantly and laugh at least once a day, your funny little raspy goofy laugh.

You take the most amazing pictures. Seriously they are unbelievable. Case in point:

You are hilarious and adorable and noisy and hyper and constantly hungry. Everything a little boy should be.

Your hair is fuzzy and ridiculous. Sticking out all over the place.

Your smile is huge and kissable and your little moon eyes are wonderful. case in point:

I cannot stop kissing you.

Love you oodles of noodles little guy,


Wednesday, October 19, 2011

Dearest of Zekes- Two/Three Month

My Fella-fella,

Time has gotten away from me, and I 'm sitting down to write your two month letter when you're almost three. This does not bode well for future letter-on-blog writing.

You have changed so much. You have almost doubled in weight and are now in the 90% percentile for height.

You coo and smile and kick when I come in to get you from your nap. Although the world may not believe that you smile, because you WILL NOT do it for the camera. As soon as you see that gadget, you look at it with a frown that says, "why is your face half covered with that big black thing?"

You are sleeping 7-10 hours straight, only waking up once in the early, early morning to eat. I already know that I will miss that feeding when you give it up. I love to see you nursing contentedly as I rub your fuzzy little head. I love how after I burp you I can feel you turn to dead weight on my shoulder as you drift back to sleep.

You have the most beautiful huge iron grey eyes. They look green when you wear green, blue when you're in blue and brown when you wear red. I love the way they turn into crescent moons when you grin.

You are covered in dimples. Seriously, they're everywhere.

You adore your bath and soak Daddy and me with your kicking and splashing. It one of my favorite times of the day.

You love to look around at your world and are not a big snuggler (which is one of the reasons I'll miss the mid-night feed). When I hold you close you resist, preferring to be held on my knee so you can see my face and whatever is going on around you. You love to be on your Daddy's shoulder however, and will let him hold you for as long as he wants. I don't blame you, I love his shoulder too.

Everyday we think you can't get any cuter and yet, the next day, you do.

Love you oodles of noodles Chunka Chunka.


Friday, September 16, 2011


"When the rain
Is blowing in your face
And the whole world
Is on your case
I could offer you
A warm embrace
To make you feel my love

When the evening shadows
And the stars appear
And there is no - one there
To dry your tears
I could hold you
For a million years
To make you feel my love

... I've known it
From the moment
That we met
No doubt in my mind
Where you belong

I'd go hungry
I'd go black and blue
I'd go crawling
Down the avenue
No, there's nothing
That I wouldn't do
To make you feel my love

...Nothing that I wouldn't do
Go to the ends
Of the Earth for you
To make you feel my love, To make you feel my love"


Thursday, September 15, 2011

Part II: My side of the story

So... we left off leaving the apartment at 1230 am.

The car ride down was exciting and painful. I hated being stuck in that seat. But at least the adrenaline slowed my contractions down. I remember thinking it was crazy that the next time we were in that car, it wouldn't be the two of us, it would be the three of us.

We called my mom on the way down and she met us in the parking lot. She wanted to take pictures. I wanted to smack her. I told her, as nicely as I could that I really just wanted to get inside. My contractions were very intense, but were still spaced out.

We headed upstairs and met my midwife (Caitlyn) in Triage. She and a nurse got me all hooked up to a monitor. Beginning here, and up until Zeke was born, my contractions spaced out a ton and got less intense when I was being monitored. Nice as a break for my poor aching body, but frustrating because it made it seem like I wasn't really progressing.

Caitlyn checked my dilation. I was at a four! i was stoked because I was sure I'd get to the hospital and be at like...a one. Because my contractions had spaced out, Caitlyn wanted to wait an hour to admit me. So I got unhooked and walked and walked and walked the halls. I leaned on Jon or against the wall and swayed when I was having a contraction. I had Jon put pressure on my lower back, and it helped soooo much. I also made myself eat a little bit, because after I was admitted I could only have fluids.

An hour later, she checked me again. "Oh yeah girl, you're at a six!" I was so thrilled, and Caitlyn said, "Wow, I'm glad I checked you, because I would've sent you home, you seem too relaxed to be dilated to a six." That awesome Bradley training was working apparently. I was still joking and laughing. It was getting intense, but my emotions were still well under control.

So we got a room, and basically just dropped our stuff off and went back out into the halls to walk. I had to be on the monitor every hour for twenty minutes, but other than that i couldn't stand being still. I guess I walked for close to five hours.

Eventually I decided to try the water. It was such a relief! My contractions spaced out and got less intense. It was so wonderful. I definitely understand the appeal of water births now. I hated to get out and be monitored again, but the nurse had a warm blanket for me and it was so comforting, I almost cried. (I think I was starting to move into transition here too.)

We head back out into the hallway and walked for a bit longer. At one point I heard over the loud speaker "Room 6 would like their epidural." And for whatever reason, it made me cry. I started telling Jon, "I don't want the epidural, I don't want the epidural." I felt like someone was going to MAKE me take the drugs. lol. Irrational transition much?

Soon after, I told the midwife I was feeling some pushy-type pressure. Mwah-ha-ha. I was an idiot. I had NO IDEA the express train of intensity that was on its way.

So she checked me. I was at nine! My water hadn't broken yet, so Caitlyn asked if she could break it, to speed things up a bit. I agreed and braced myself for a gush of water, like you see on TV. But there wasn't any. She just poked a small hole in it and it just trickled. What a disappointment. lol

Almost immediately the "Pushy-pressure" got soooo incredibly intense. But I was still at a nine, so I couldn't push. OMYGOODNESS. WORST FEELING IN THE WORLD. I have never experienced anything like it. My entire body was screaming "PUSH!!" I kept telling her, I have to push, I'm pushing, I can't help it!" The nurse said to me very firmly "You can help it. YOU are in control of your body." And that helped, I felt so out of control and it was really scary. I was terrified that I was going to push to early on accident and swell my cervix and end up being unable to deliver vaginally. (Looking back on it, I think that I should've labored on my own a while longer, and allowed my water to break naturally. My body obviously wasn't ready.)

I labored like this for what seemed like FOREVER (I have no idea how long it really was, but I think only like ten contractions.) And Caitlyn suggested that we try a little Pitocin to get the contractions closer together (they were only five minutes apart.)

Now, as every Bradley graduate knows, Pitocin is the devil. (Just kidding.) But seriously, the mere mention of it made me feel panicky. I didn't want Zeke to go into distress (which is a common side affect of the super intense Pitocin contractions). But honestly, my mind was disintegrating and I was ready to agree to anything.

Here's where my coach stepped in. He asked, as he had been taught, "Could we have a few more contractions?" He kept putting her off and when she checked me next, I was at a ten! Yay BeefyGeek! Caitlyn very graciously said, "I'm glad you didn't let me."

So I pushed! And it felt SOOOOO good not to be fighting my body anymore. My mom and Jon were right at my elbows encouraging me and yelling, "I can see him! He's almost here!"

I was really afraid of the whole pushing/tearing stage coming into this labor, but honestly it wasn't that bad. I mean, SO INCREDIBLY INTENSE, and I really wanted it to be over but this part was not THAT painful. Even though I tore very badly, I didn't feel it happening, because of all the pressure and because I was so focused.

Less than 45 minutes later I saw them bringing over all their tools and Zeke's little plastic bed, I didn't believe it. I kept asking in between contractions. "Is it really working?" "He's really coming?"

And then, I heard everyone yelling "Look down, reach down and take your baby!" My little chubbermunch was here!! He was so tiny and beautiful and... slippery. lol. I couldn't believe he was actually the little one who had been kicking and twisting and somersaulting in me all this time.

I could never have done it without my husband's untiring support and love and logic and strong-back-rubbing hands. He made me feel so safe, even when I was unsure of myself, he never wavered.

A very dramatic part three to follow. Our day was far from over. Both Zeke and I ended up having complications. (Don't worry, we're fine now. :-)

Wednesday, September 7, 2011

Dearest of Zekes- One Month

Dear Chubbermunch,

You are one month old already. How amazing is that?

Everyone loves you, wherever we go. You are alert and adorable, with you Daddy's huge almond shaped eyes, your Mommy's upturned nose and a little rosebud mouth. You have a cleft chin and a cowlick right in the front of your head (you actually look remarkably like Superman, which is funny since Daddy often called you "Kal-El" when you were still inside me.)

We took you out and about for the first time last week, first out to Outback with your Lola and Pappy and then to church on Sunday. All of the wonderful women who once held your daddy as a baby lined up to hold you. You are so lucky to have so many people who love you and have prayed for you.

You are your daddy's favorite toy. He loves to make you dance and take showers with you. You love the water. No matter how fussy you are, when we put you in the shower or your little bathtub, you get perfectly still, fascinated by what the heck is all over you.

You slept 5 1/2 hours in a row last night, and I woke you up to eat, because it seems like your little belly HAD to be empty by then. Although, I'm reading online that I can just let you sleep. Maybe I will tonight, if it wasn't just a fluke. (fingers crossed).

We think you laughed in your sleep yesterday. Such a goofy, gasping little laugh. Its way early, but your Daddy and I never stop laughing, so you're bound to have a talent for it.

We call you Chubbermunch, Little Man, Zeke-a-leke, and Zekers.

You are better than we ever imagined.

Love you more,

Friday, August 26, 2011

So blessed

Still too out of it to complete the birth story, but just had come on here and post the lyrics to one of Zeke's favorite lullabies. I am just overwhelmed this morning by all that He has done for me, both here in this life, fulfilling my deepest dream in making me a mother; and in the life to come, where this life's dreams will seem but a dim flickering shadow of a shadow of a joy. Take a minute and praise Him with me.

To Christ the Lord let every tongue
Its noblest tribute bring
When He’s the subject of the song
Who can refuse to sing?
Survey the beauties of His face
And on His glories dwell
Think of the wonder of His grace
And all His triumphs tell

Majestic sweetness sits enthroned
Upon His awful brow
His head with radiant glories crowned
His lips with grace overflow
No mortal can with Him compare
Among the sons of men
Fairer He is than all the fair
That fill the Heavenly train

He saw me plunged in deep distress
He fled to my relief
For me He bore the shameful cross
And carried all my grief
His hand a thousand blessings pours
Upon my guilty head
His presence gilds my darkest hours
And guards my sleeping bed

To Him I owe my life and breath
And all the joys I have
He makes me triumph over death
And saves me from the grave
To Heaven the place of His abode
He brings my weary feet
Shows me the glories of my God
And makes my joy complete

Since from His bounty I receive
Such proofs of love divine
Had I a thousand hearts to give
Lord, they should all be Thine
A thousand men could not compose
A worthy song to bring
Yet Your love is a melody
Our hearts can’t help but sing!

Friday, August 19, 2011

Part I: My side of the story

So my adorable husband hacked my blog and beat me to the punch with the whole birth story thing. Every spare moment I've had for the past two weeks has been spent napping, not blogging. But, I'm waiting for maintenance to come fix our air conditioning and the bebe is fast asleep, so now is as good a time as any. Please excuse all of the bad grammar etc that is sure to follow. Zeke took half my brain with him when he exited the premises.

I'm writing this mostly for myself, so I don't forget. And for other women out there who want to have a natural childbirth in a hospital setting. It really helped me to read other stories when making my birth plan and I hope that this can help someone feel more confident that it CAN be done.

WARNING: May contain TMI for some of you that actually know me, so if you don't want to hear about my mucus plug and bulging bag of waters, stop now. lol.

Monday August 1st, I had braxton hicks contractions every five minutes. We started to get excited. But they didn't hurt, so i figured it was just a warm up.

Tuesday the 2nd, I felt like I was having a meltdown. Totally an emotional basket case, feeling needy and exhausted. Looking back on it, I think it was a sign of impending labor. Hormones much?

Wednesday I started to lose my mucus plug. Gross I know. I spent the whole morning googling "mucus plug" and "bloody show" and every article told me the same thing: "It could be soon! Or it could be another two weeks!" So not helpful internet...

Thursday I woke up. Contracting. Painful contractions. It basically felt like period cramps that came and went every ten minutes. Definitely different than braxton hicks. So I drove BeefyGeek to work and can home and did everything Bradley says to do (we did the Bradley "Husband-Coached childbirth" classes as my husband already mentioned). He says to walk, eat, drink, shower, and nap... and see if your contractions go away, if they don't... pack your bags! The only thing I couldn't successfully do was nap. I was way too intense and excited to sleep. I also did all of our laundry, cleaned the bathroom and vacuumed. Last minute nesting I suppose. I then watched The Delivery episode of The Office. It seemed appropriate.

Mid-morning I started timing my contractions. Sure enough they were getting more regular and closer together, slowly but surely. By the time I went to pick up the hubby from work, they were about 7 minutes apart. I showed Jon the paper with my contractions recorded on it. His jaw dropped. "So you think he's coming this weekend?" I laughed and said, "Babe, I think we'll be going to the hospital TONIGHT." I don't think he believed me.

All this time, Jon was the only person to know something was happening (oh, and our Bradley instructor :-) I dreaded being "that first time mom" who has a million false alarms, so I didn't want to tell anyone until we were sure. On the way home from the office, we pulled up next to my sister in law at a red light, and I was terrified that she would ask if we were seeing any action, so I monopolized the quick conversion and then yelled at Jon to DRIVE! Lol.

My body must have been waiting for my coach, because as soon as he got home, I relaxed and my contractions got closer together really quickly. By around eight they were 5 minutes apart for one hour lasting a minute each, which if when you call... so I called. The midwife on call (Caitlyn, the youngest of the midwives) told me to wait until they are so intense the I can't make the call, and then have my husband call. So we watched some shows.

For your info, DO NOT watch something funny while in labor. Laughing during a contraction is NO JOKE. No pun intended. So Parks and Rec got replaced by Prison Break (our latest Netflix obsession) and we hung out until like eleven, when I told Jon he should get some sleep.

He slept for like an hour while I tried to relax through the contractions by myself. Laying down hurt terribly, so I got in the shower and the relief was wonderful. BUT I eventually had to get out and when I did, I couldn't control my moaning anymore and it woke Jon up and he decided it was time to call again. (I was strep B positive and couldn't wait too long to get there since I need two doses of anti-biotics at least four hours apart.)

Caitlyn told us to come on down. So we left our apartment at around 1230 am.

Tuesday, August 9, 2011

EEK part I

Ezekiel Edwin K - born 8/5/11 at 8:56am.

Howdy blogosphere. This is not Amy. This is Jon A.K.A Beefygeek (maybe 3 years ago) A.K.A The Sound Dude and the most recent and my favorite, dad. :)

Amy and Zeke are doing awesome. We are home. I took a week off of work to take care of them and commandeer Amy's blog, unbeknownst to her. Shh... I want this to be a surprise to her.

So it's Thursday and I work in Tech Support. It's not a great job but it pays the bills and fills bellys. (Bellies?) The car I usually take had a slight exhaust malfunction and sounds like a rocket ship so Amy's been driving me to work.

-Man, this blog stuff is harder than I though.-

Amy comes to pick me up and hands me a piece of paper. It's a mess of times, minutes and brackets. I look at her and she has a HUGE smile on her face. Her contractions aren't consistent yet but they are regular.

Game time.

Before I go on with the shenanigans and tomfoolery, I'll go off on a rabbit trail and say that I am a Bradley dad. For those of you who aren't sure what that is, it's a... I guess...method? used in which the father is present during birth and the main coach for the wife. The tagline (if it were a movie) is Husband Coached Natural Childbirth.

So while Hollywood dictates that would-be fathers should be useless, catatonic sperm donors or raving-lunatics-who-forget-the-keys-yelling-at-anyone-within-earshot-to-get-some-hot-water, the Bradley instruction we got was kicking in.

Okay, rabbit trail over. Back to it.

I was excited and not just because I'd have a week off to spend with Amy but because... I have a legit reason for not showing up to work on Friday.

My brain is still in tech support mode. "What about all those appointments for Friday I just scheduled with clients?" WHO CARES!? YOUR WIFE IS HAVING A BABY!

I asked Amy if she thought he'd be coming sometime this weekend. Her jaw dropped slightly and said, "I think he's going to be here tonight."

We get home (the nice thing about work is that it's a 10 minute commute if their is a snow storm, 5 minute commute otherwise) and I ask Amy if she got stuff off our checklist. She shows me the bags she's already packed with all our stuff. Man, my wife is GOOD.

After calling the midwife, we labor at home for a few more hours, watching episodes of Prison Break on Netflix (people have been telling me to watch this show for 6 years. Well.. here it is Brian, you're right, the show is incredible). The contractions get a little more intense each time and I can tell Amy is astounded by how powerful they are.

After finding out that (spoiler warning) Lincoln Burroughs is actually NOT going to get executed 9 episodes into season one, we decide to try and get some sleep.

I'm woken up by Amy telling me that her contractions are fairly intense and she's crying. I scramble for a second, waking up from a prison break dream of my own and call the midwife, telling her that I think it's show time.

We drive to the hospital and arrive around 1am. Amy's contractions have slowed down and we find out she's only 4cm dilated. Close, but not enough for us to be admitted yet. We stay in the triage room that's filled with the womp womp womp of other fetal heart beat monitors.

Labor walk around the halls for an hour to 6 cm and we get admitted!

While we are laboring, we hear a male voice from one of the rooms saying "Help! Help!" and then this shrieking of a woman saying "I HAVE TO PUSH! SOMEONE HELP ME! HELP ME!"

The nursing station empties and paperwork halted as the turquoise shirts and Caitlyn book it into the room with the woman screaming. As soon as Caitlyn gets in she yells "YOU CAN DO THIS!" over the yells and moans of the woman.

Oh. My. Goodness. It sounded like a horror movie.

I have a feeling we looked amazing, huddled together like a pair of lost puppies in the middle of the now empty maternity ward hallway

We look at each other, wide eyed, jaws probably slightly dropped and slowly tip toed the other way.

At one time while we were labor walking, Amy heard on the PA that someone was requesting an Epidural. Amy started crying saying she didn't want an epidural. We both agree she was probably in transition at this point.

The jig is up, Amy just woke up and passed by the computer while I was getting laundry so the surprise is over. Anyways, look for part II in the near future.

Thursday, July 28, 2011

Pregnancy is so weird

It's really the only HUGE event in your life that you have NO CLUE when it will happen. Even pregnancy itself can be planned (to an extent). But babies come when they will. It's weird. Especially in a hyper-planned microwavable culture like ours, I can see why some women push for an induction.

Otherwise its just a waiting game...

Friday, July 22, 2011

This baby better come soon...

because I can't stop buying things. I guess its the partial bed rest version of nesting... less productive and much more expensive than the whole cleaning the apartment over and over again thing.

Friday, July 15, 2011

three weeks and some change

Well hello, blogosphere. Its been a while.

I've been on partial bed rest for like a month at this point and have had 4 rounds of lab work for the preeclampsia-ish symptoms I had. Everything seems to be fine. Blood pressure has stabilized and my blood work has been fine. The 24 hour urine test keep coming back a little borderline. But borderline is not a diagnosis. So... I kinda feel like the bed rest thing has been a waste... but I'm very, very, very thankful that I'm able to rest, and that I'm getting good prenatal care. Undiagnosed preeclampsia can be super dangerous, so I'm trying to have a good attitude.

I'll be 37 weeks on Monday. (full term! woohoo!)

Had my first internal today and the fella is already at -1 station, which explains the INSANE amount of pressure I've been feeling every time I take a step. I'm also about 50% effaced and a smidge dilated. I know this could mean nothing, or it could mean he's coming soon. But its fun to know SOMETHING is happening. I'm so glad he dropped because call me crazy, but eating and breathing are things I enjoy doing.

I'm officially huge and uncomfortable. I've been dreaming about dinosaurs and manatees and I grunt when I have to get up in the morning. I also have had Beefygeek push me over when I want to switch sides in bed because my momentum is seriously lacking these days.

We've met and picked a pediatrician, toured the hospital, written our birth plan, built the crib and have our car-seat. We have our last Bradley class and my baby shower tomorrow! We're almost ready!

I kinda can't believe that in a few short weeks or loonnngggg weeks (time is definitely relative during the third trimester) my little one will be out of my womb and in my arms. So surreal.

Monday, June 27, 2011

Six weeeks to go and...

I've officially got my first complication: high blood pressure and some borderline lab work for preeclampsia. (Everything within normal range, but towards the extreme edges of normal... kinda like me.)

So I'm on partial/modified bed rest. Which basically means, whatever you don't have to do... don't. Including all the wonderful exercise I posted about in my last "I love pregnancy and I feel so great post..." jinx much?

Its gonna be rough for me, especially as I've been moving into nesting, but its going to rougher on BeefyGeek, since he's going to have to keep me in line/listen to the lists of things I wish I could be doing.

Here's to lower numbers where lower numbers are needed and higher numbers where higher numbers are needed!

My main concern is keeping myself normal enough that the docs don't feel its necessary to induce me early (which is what would happen if i had an extreme case of pre-e.) I wanna let my little guy cook for as long as he needs to cook!

As rough as these few weeks have been on my emotions, its been a really wonderful time for my spirit. Its getting me back again to a place of dependence and submission, where I say, "Whate'er my God ordains is right."

So thankful that I have the promises of God as an anchor for the soul, no matter what happens.

Wanna see approximately how big the little guy would be if he was born this week? Here's a video of 34 week preemie. He's already so... finished. It's amazing to think there's an actual BABY inside of me.

Monday, June 6, 2011

9 weeks!

Here are some fun facts about the flutterbudget at week 31:

My little one's fingernails have grown to the end of his fingers and he may scratch himself while he is in the womb.

Lungs take a huge leap this week. There is surfactant being produced in his lungs. Surfactant prevents his lungs from collapsing outside of the uterus and he is able to take in air and breathe properly.

He measures over 16 inches long. He weighs about 3.3 pounds and is heading into a growth spurt. He'll gain about 1/2 a week from here on out.

Rather than hearing vibrations, the nerve endings in his ears are connected now so that he can hear distinct sounds, like familiar voices and music.

His brain will be developing more rapidly than at any other time during gestation.

And me,

I still love being pregnant. I know I'm going to miss it. (Although I know that in 8 weeks or so I will be super over-it and uncomfortable, let me enjoy it while I can!)

I had my first minor panic attack about the fact that VERY SOON this kid will be on the outside of me and everything that entails. I felt better in the morning.

I'm really starting to enjoy my exercises (even though my balance just keeps getting more and more wonky.) I think I may be in better shape now than I was pre-pregnancy. I find that planning a natural child birth is the best motivator I've ever had to work out. I feel unbelievably strong and well and womanly doing my walking and squatting and pelvic rocking.

There isn't very much kicking anymore, its mostly stretching and rolling and wiggling (I think he's running out of room already), but when a kick comes, HOLY COW. That kid has some LEGS.

I'm starting to get organized for this little guy... cleaning, clearing, planning, registering, listing...

I'm getting really excited for my baby showers and lots of tiny onesies to pre-wash.

I want to have my next baby in the winter. Its sooooo hotttttt.


He has found me.

Thursday, May 26, 2011

a BabyGeek for BeefyGeek

And of course, in case of the inevitable Zombie Apocalypse a serum sippy cup:


The Anti-Ad
Originally uploaded by isayx3
" There is no price set on the lavish summer,
And June may be had by the poorest comer. "
- James Russell Lowell

May seems to have gotten away from me blog-wise. I can't believe next week begins June.

The sounds and smells of summer make me miss little boys. Being a nanny in the winter is tough, but the summer more than made up for it. I can't believe in ten short weeks I'll have my own little boy to have adventures with.

Of course, he's coming in August and by the time he's old enough to be aware of his world, summer will be long gone. But he'll always be my summer baby.

Its a good thing pregnancy makes me so incredibly tired, otherwise I'd be way too excited to sleep.

Tuesday, May 10, 2011

90 days to go!

My fella...

has eyes that are unsealed,

has hearing that is developed to the point where he can probably recognize my voice and Beefygeek's voice. (Which I totally believe, when the hubby walks in and starts talking, my belly starts jumping.)

is starting to get pigment in his hair.

kicks constantly. Like... I feel like he's moving more often than not. Hopefully that means he's got his days and nights in their proper place. And hopefully it stays like that.

He's over two pounds and about 15 inches from head to toe.

He has a 90% chance of survival if he was born this week.

You've come a long way baby!

And me...

I love to eat. All the time.

My abdomen is so tight I don't know how this kid is supposed to out on another 5-6 pounds.

I'm starting to waddle.

My first trimester fatigue has come back, but at least a nap helps now. During those first few months, I felt like I could have hibernated for weeks and would have still been yawning.

I'm so hot. And its not even June... I'm in trouble. I'm always trying to get Beefygeek to take off his hoodie (which he loves to wear everyday) because it makes me uncomfortable just to look at him wearing it.

Still no swelling, but ridiculous leg and foot cramps. My toes go all deformed and I have to stomp around the room.

I have one more exam to take and then I'll be graduated. And officially a full-time homemaker and Mommy.

P.S. Here's fun link to flash mob of pregnant women dancing. lol.

Monday, May 9, 2011


"Yes. it is more Magic."

Friday, May 6, 2011

Not to get all mushy on you but...

I feel like I've fallen in love all over again since I got pregnant.

It might have something to do with all the crazy hormones making me weepy every time he brings me a glass of water.

It might be the knowledge that I have his child living and growing and staging karate tournaments in my womb.

It might be his oh-so-delighted face when he feels said karate tournaments with his hand and can't believe how strong our little two-pounder is.

Or it might just be because my Beefygeek totally rocks the house at taking care of a pregnant woman.

Also the whole talking to my belly thing: way too adorable.

And so my dear, though we're only on #1...I can't wait to have a houseful with you.

Friday, April 29, 2011


Originally uploaded by Dalla*
"Oh dear. How ever many skins have i got to take off?"

Friday, April 22, 2011

a change in schedule

So this morning I'm sitting staring into space thinking, "I really wish I could take a shower NOW instead of after I do the dishes and make the bed and tidy everything up and my exercises." And then I laughed aloud to myself... "of course I can shower first! I'm a grown woman, totally home alone for the day. I could shower ten times if I wanted to!" And so I showered first thing this morning, with dirty dishes still in the sink. Rebel that I am.

I also realized that I should probably embrace the whole make-your-own-schedule-thing, because in 15 short weeks, my schedule will be totally determined by a itsy little human with no knowledge of "the order in which I like to do things everyday."

Thursday, April 21, 2011

My hands

as if by instinct go protectively over my womb.

When searching for fun pregnancies pics and/or useful information online I inevitably stumble onto info and pictures about abortion.

We live in a sick world.

All these poor people, going against everything, everything that comes naturally to them as mothers and fathers. Allowing some doctor to invade what should be the Safest of Places with a needle or forceps or poison. Paying for it to be done. Heartbreaking.

Marantha Lord Jesus! Come and end it.

Tuesday, April 19, 2011

"Boom, boom, boom!

Mr. Brown is a wonder!
Boom, boom, boom!
Mr. Brown makes thunder!"

I can't wait to watch the storm with my little guy.

Friday, April 15, 2011

Boy Wonder

Zeke is doing some serious gymnastics. Feels really weird.

Future superhero? I think so.


Originally uploaded by Bob b...
the shadows
run together
til they're not

"But for you who fear my name, the Sun of Righteousness
will rise with healing in his wings. And you will go free,
leaping with joy like calves let out to pasture."
Malachi 4:2

Tuesday, April 12, 2011

Of a world embracing every heartache...

Pier Landscape
Originally uploaded by ►CubaGallery
"For I hate divorce," says the LORD, the God of Israel, "and him who covers his garment with wrong," says the LORD of hosts. "So take heed to your spirit, that you do not deal treacherously." Malachi 2:16

Just found out another of our friends have ended their marriage. So sad.

"...To turn away and not become
Another nail to pierce the skin of One who loves
More deeply than the oceans,
More abundant than the tears
Of a world embracing every heartache.
World apart..."
- Jars of Clay

Friday, April 8, 2011

when it rains...

It's crazy how years slip by with life staying pretty much the same... the first three years of our marriage were happy and boring. Not too much changed, and we were fine with that.

And then, this year: we both quit our jobs, BeefyGeek found a new one, I went back to school, we moved, we got pregnant, I'm going to graduate, and we're going to have a baby, all from one August to another. What a year.

Wednesday, March 30, 2011

My little guy...

sure loves protein.

I've started to track my diet, now that he's creeping up on a pound, I figured it's time to double check that he's getting what he needs.

So I started this diet where I have to eat a minimum of 80 grams of protein a day, among other things. I wasn't as short as I expected, but the main thing is I need to get disciplined about drinking the milk, which accounts for almost 40 of those grams of protein.

The child's activity level has jumped. (Literally, it feels like he's jumping.)

Poor little man wanted more protein.

I guess he's gonna be a meat and potatoes guy (or in this case, a meat and rice guy) like his daddy.

Thursday, March 17, 2011

Elephants are cute

An Anniversary

Book of Love
Originally uploaded by Bows and Arrows
“The happiest women, like the happiest nations, have no history”
George Eliot

Four years ago today, BeefyGeek asked me the Question of questions. Neither of us was wearing green.

Thank you for asking Heart's Own.

You give me music.

The Book Of Love

The book of love is long and boring
No one can lift the damn thing
It's full of charts and facts and figures,
and instructions for dancing

But I
I love it when you read to me
And you
You can read me anything

The book of love has music in it
In fact that's where music comes from
Some of it's just transcendental
Some of it's just really dumb

But I
I love it when you sing to me
And you
You can sing me anything

The book of love is long and boring
And written very long ago
It's full of flowers and heart-shaped boxes
And things we're all too young to know

But I
I love it when you give me things
And you
You ought to give me wedding rings

And I
I love it when you give me things
And you
You ought to give me wedding rings
You ought to give me wedding rings

Wednesday, March 16, 2011


I have two days left in which to imagine a boy or a girl. Friday afternoon I will be limited by the truth. So I've decided to indulge in a revelry of mystery.

If you, my itty flutterbudget, are a girl I cannot wait to...

-do your hair in pigtails. and then watch you shake them.
-buy you lots of clothes with eyelets.
-decorate cookies. and Christmas cards. and valentines. and birthday cakes.
-read you Little House in the Big Woods, Little Women, Anne of Green Gables, and the Mandie Books.
-show you the Sound of Music. and sing the songs at the top of our lungs together.
-watch you twirl for your Daddy.
-teach you to get muddy in creeks and climb trees and skin your knees. because being a girl doesn't mean being too prissy for fun.
-someday watch you dance with your Daddy at your wedding. if you want dancing at your wedding. its your day, no pressure. ;-)
-pretty much everything involving you and your Daddy together. he's going to be such a sucker for you.
-watch you grow into a strong, wise, loving, lovable woman of God.

If, my dearest little kicker, you are a boy, I cannot wait to...

-play legos, and action figures, and trucks with you.
-show you Star Wars and light-saber battle with you.
-watch you wrestle your Daddy.
-"decorate" cookies with you. knowing all along that all you really want is to eat the sprinkles.
-read you comic books, and Swiss Family Robinson, and Frog and Toad.
-go exploring and let you do things that scare me slightly, to see that triumph on your face.
-toss you onto our big bed over and over until my arms hurt.
-dress up like superheroes and flight each other to the death.
-see you imitate your Daddy and want to be just like him.
-watch you grow into a strong, wise, loving lovable man of God.

In either case I cannot with to pray with you, tickle you, hold you, hug you, kiss you, smoosh you, care for you when your sick, laugh with you, teach you, sing to you, discipline you, train you, and mother you. And of course read you The Chronicles of Narnia.

I don't know you, but I love you already, whoever you are.

Oodles of X's and O's

Mommy (I can't believe I can call myself that.)

Wednesday, March 9, 2011

wherein i make a tough decision.

You know what sucks about being pregnant? When you get sick you cannot willy-nilly chug three varieties of NyQuil and sleep for hours upon end until the little sucker is nipped in the bud.

You cannot have NyQuil at all. And the drugs you can have, in the doses you can have them: do. not. work.

Also, you cannot sleep for hours upon end because you have a bladder the size of a marble and you have to eat every 30 minutes or you feel like you will die and then your baby will hate you. In that order.

So I took the one pill allowed to me and I lay awake having slept for the 30 minute nap allotted to me trying to decide if i would rather die of starvation or get out of the nice warm bed and into the shivering wilderness that is the rest of my little apartment.

And then I had to pee. Again.

SO I had a decision to make. Die of starvation in a puddle of my own urine, or haul my butt out of bed.

It was a tough call. But this chili is good.

Friday, March 4, 2011


Baby Foot
Originally uploaded by KamranM
kick kick kick kick kick kick kick kick kick kick kick kick kick kick kick kick kick kick kick kick

Thursday, February 24, 2011

pure delight

Beefygeek was able to feel the flutterbudget move for the first time last night. I don't think I'll ever forget the look on his face. Wonder, surprise, delight, joy.

And then he said, "There's a little baby in there!" :-D

Monday, February 21, 2011

Lately, baby

Had my first craving that involved something I don't usually eat: pigs in a blanket. Saturday, I was overcome by a need for a hot dog wrapped in a crescent roll. So I made them (after shopping for the ingredients.) Incredible. So delicious.

A couple other things the flutterbudget loves:
-Ketchup! Mounds of it.
-French Toast! I wake up thinking about it.
-Italian Dressing! Especially on a salad that contains the aforementioned olives!
-Sleeping! (or at least, my pregnant body does) I end up feeling pretty miserable if I'm unable to nap. Jon swears I fell asleep in church yesterday. I contend that I was just resting my eyes. He says he heard snoring. I contend that the aforementioned allergies make me snore when I'm awake.

The best thing that's happening this week (16) with the little one: ears have developed enough to hear us talk!

Only one month til we find out if we have a little miss or a little mister!

Wednesday, February 16, 2011


Originally Uploaded by SarahPeaches

"She wore her yellow sun-bonnet,
She wore her greenest gown;
She turned to the south wind
And curtsied up and down.
She turned to the sunlight
And shook her yellow head,
And whispered to her neighbour:
'Winter is dead.' "

- A.A. Milne

Monday, February 14, 2011

Right about now the flutterbudget...

Heart-shaped Leaves
Originally uploaded by sarahbwoo
is about 4 inches.

may be sucking his/her thumb.

senses light through tiny little sealed eyelids.

is growing eyebrows and hair on his/her head.

is inhaling and exhaling amniotic fluid.

can make a fist with his/her tiny little hand.

can dream. About what I wonder?

is super active. I felt the first tiny little feathery-fluttering when resting on Friday after lunch. Best. Valentine's. Present. Ever. Swoon.

Friday, February 11, 2011

good food

One thing about being pregnant, now that I feel better (some days) is that I'm inspired to try new recipes. Because I need delicious food, or else I can't stomach it. Especially chicken. Straight up beef I can do, but chicken needs some serious doctoring. And we can't eat out EVERY meal, if we wanna have some money leftover for diapers. Here's a couple that turned out awesome:

Rosemary Chicken and Potatoes

Chicken and Wild Rice Soup

Chicken Sonora Pasta
(I made it without the fake cheese, just made a white sauce with shredded parm and mozzarella.)

Monday, February 7, 2011


I read about ten pregnancy books over the past couple years, and have yet to crack one since I got that positive test.

I need to get to the library.

Friday, February 4, 2011

Worst things, best things

About a month ago I would have said that the worst thing about pregnancy was, of course, the nausea. But apparently, I'm one of the women who feels miraculously better as soon as that magically twelve week mark rolls around, for which I'm, oh so thankful!

So the current worst things about pregnancy are:

-not taking my allergy medicine. (I'm technically allowed, but I'm waiting as long as I can to take anything... call it first time pregnancy jitters.) Everyone thinks I'm dying and I think they are tired of "blessing" me.

-the DOCTORS visits. Blah. Although, I loved my midwife's office, I mostly hate to spend the money. But I'm doing it, because to quote the southern midwife "[I'm] growin' a blue ribbon baby!"

-the various weird, obscure symptoms that I'm not going to share with the internet.

-the constant hunger. I just wanna be full already. lol.

And the best: (there are so many bests!)

-the growing bump. Its oodles of fascinating.

-the ultrasound. We saw so much movement and little legs and little fingers! Fingers! My baby has fingers! Little tiny perfect fingers! Un-freaking believable.

-the sleep. Unless you're a long time insomniac, you cannot imagine the joy that it is to sleep and sleep and sleep, for twelve, thirteen hours. It is like... I don't quite know what it is like.

-all of the lovely lovable children's songs that come back to me everyday, and the knowledge that soon and very soon, I'll get to sing them to a cuddly, velvety, sweet-smelling little one.

-the renewed vigor in my spiritual life. Its so much easier to be diligent in my personal study and prayer and worship knowing that what goes in me is being experienced, on some level, by a brand new soul.

-the church's love. My friends and family have been overwhelming.

-my husband. He's always one of the best things. So sweet and tender and loving when I'm sick. So sweet and joyful and excited when I'm well. He's already in love with this baby and I cannot wait to see him when he first lays eyes on his child. It is almost more exciting than the thought of seeing the baby myself. Almost.

Thursday, February 3, 2011

Wednesday, February 2, 2011

The wise man...

Wave @ Lud Castle
Originally uploaded by angus clyne
...built his house upon the rock
The wise man built his house upon the rock
The wise man built his house upon the rock
And the rain came tumbling down

Oh, the rain came down
And the floods came up
The rain came down
And the floods came up
The rain came down
And the floods came up
And the wise man's house stood firm.

The bigger this baby bump gets, the more aware I become of the fact that this little family is about to begin in earnest. And Oh! How I want to be wise and build this house upon the Rock.

"Unless the LORD builds the house, its builders labor in vain. Unless the LORD watches over the city, the watchmen stand guard in vain." Psalm 127:1

Wednesday, January 26, 2011

Sure fire cure

Pregnancy is the only time in life when you think to yourself,

"I'm nauseous, what would make me feel better? ... I know! Steak!"

And then it works.

Also, these lima beans are epic.

Jeremiah 17: 7-8

“But blessed is the one who trusts in the LORD,
whose confidence is in him.
They will be like a tree planted by the water
that sends out its roots by the stream.
It does not fear when heat comes;
its leaves are always green.
It has no worries in a year of drought
and never fails to bear fruit.”

first trimester, check!

I'm feeling so much better, and I have a little tiny baby bump!

The baby bump is so much there in fact that it kept me awake last night.

On my stomach it felt like I had a pillow under me, and on my back it felt like something was resting on me.

So I guess I'm a side sleeper now.

It is a very sweet reason to toss and turn.

Tuesday, January 18, 2011

this population replacement nonsense

Bodhi III
Originally uploaded by ༺lifemage༻
is scary.

"The most noble title any child can have is third."
Orson Scott Card

My first straight up food aversion



Monday, January 17, 2011

50 million killed in our country since 1973

father and son
Originally uploaded by t0m_ka
1.5 billion world wide.

"Never forget that everything Hitler did in Germany was legal."
-Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.

Friday, January 14, 2011


I've called the little one Blueberry, Bean, Peanut, Beanut, and Parasite. Mostly just Baby.

Jon calls him/her Batman.

weirdest craving

It's official. I am obsessed with food. I dream about it almost every night. I catch myself daydreaming about it. I cannot think about anything without it eventually coming back to food. When I'm hungry I feel so desperate. Like "If I do not eat NOW! The baby and I are DOOMED!" lol.

I have, more than once cried when seeing my beloved BeefyGeek eat because... I thought he was going to eat it all and there would be none left for me! I've never been so possessive of my food! I was even tempting to hide some of it, so that "no one would eat it". Makes me feel like a really selfish creeper. lol

My cravings haven't been that weird yet though.

hot and sour soup.
cranberry juice.
ham and cheese bagel.
cream cheese bagel.
At first, chicken sandwiches. But now: BEEF. Not chicken, not pork. Just beef.
Chic-Fil-A (but really that's a lifelong thing lol)
pizza with LOTS of black olives.
salad with olives.
olives straight up.
lots of olives.

My weirdest one so far may have been egg salad. I've NEVER eaten egg salad. I tried a bite of it once in my life. And all of a sudden, I could think of nothing else. lol

But I read on this one website.
Here's one: "I was eating watermelon that I dipped into a glass of chocolate milk!" lol
or "sour cream with tons of salt on top".
And this woman
get this,
IN HER SPAGHETTI! ahahahahha

I have hated to think about: anything desert-ish (which is probably a good thing). And fresh fruits and vegetables sound and taste good, but keep making me hurl. :-( I keep eating them, but it feels like such a waste,since I can hardly ever keep them down.

I've been feeling best in the morning (not that I ever feel great) and sickest at night. I can pretty much eat until 5 and then not after that. I've been throwing up almost every night right before I go to sleep and Dr. Mom thinks I may have not just morning sickness, but acid reflux too.

In all of this, let me just say that I have the sweetest, tenderest, lovingest, most understanding husband in the world, who seems expressly made to deal with a hungry, tearful, overwhelmed wife! God bless him and all men who try so hard to understand the un-understandable mysteries of the pregnant woman!

Monday, January 10, 2011

Pregnancy Dreams

especially pregnancy nap dreams

Are SO weird.